Wired for Connection | A Deep Desire for Personal Relationships
WIRED
FOR CONNECTION
By Alex Hardt
One of the things I always pray for is the opportunity, God willing, to come at last to see you. For I long to visit you so I can bring you some spiritual gift that will help you grow strong in the Lord. When we get together, I want to encourage you in your faith, but I also want to be encouraged by yours. – Romans 1:10-12
TOO
WIRED
This last month I have
been trying to encourage my kids to exercise and move around a bit more, so we
do not go completely stir crazy. A little fresh air is good for all of us. One
morning I decided we would take a bike ride around the neighborhood. The
kids asked if they could do a poke hunt on the bike ride? (It is a game where
you have to physically move around from spot to spot catching little animals
called Pokémon.) Sure! It took us an extra half hour to get all our
electronics together. We finally get on our bikes when my son’s device falls
off his bike. Then at the bike park my daughter falls down because she is
trying to catch a Pokémon. My headphone wires wrap around the handlebars. After
a few more mishaps we finally decide to put everything in my backpack and just
ride. You know what we realized? That all these gadgets got in the way of us
being connected. That these wires hindered us from fully experiencing the joy
that God had placed right before us. We ended up going on an hour-long ride,
the kids did not complain, time flew by, and we had an amazing time together.
A
NEW NORM
When this pandemic
started, I shifted into survival mode. “What do I need to do in order to endure
the next couple of weeks?” As this has continued, I am beginning to
accept that sheltering in place and social distancing might be the new norm (in
some form or another) for the foreseeable future. It is easy for us to
underline the negative aspects of this situation, but this shift can also be an
opportunity to start new habits that could transform our lives and
relationships.
THE
SEARCH FOR AUTHENTICITY
It is crazy to think
that just over a month ago I was going through a crazy busy season. For church,
it was camp season for middle school, high school, and young adults. I
loved watching students come to know and accept Christ as their Lord and
Savior. For my kids it was competition (gymnastics) and cookie sale season (my
daughter is a Girl Scout). I loved watching my own kids excel at gymnastics,
scouts, and school. On the flipside I could not remember what happened
the previous day and caffeine was no longer able to supplement the overwhelming
feeling of exhaustion. I remember at the end of the month my son saying, “Daddy
why aren’t you going anywhere today?” Wow! I thought to myself, “Am
I really gone that much?” What is my son talking about, I take him to school
and all his events? That same week I heard from one of my most active students,
“I don’t feel connected.” I thought to myself, “You are at every youth group,
every event, and I see you all the time.”
In their own ways, both
were saying they were yearning for authenticity and depth beyond what the
program or activity was providing them. They were looking to not just be known
but to be Known. This pandemic has caused me to pause and take a deeper look at
the way I interact with my kids, with others, and with those in my ministry
context. Over the last couple of weeks, I have spent more time calling students
than engaged in program. I have been able to have longer and deeper
conversations because the distractions have been removed. I am forced to disconnect
from day to day programs and encounter those around me on a much more real and
authentic level.
I’ll be honest, I don’t
want anyone to see me at my worst moments. Yet, as a dad, I also think this
season is an opportunity for our growing kids to see that we are human and,
even more, hear us admit our limitations. I am not sure how to respond to
what is happening around us, but together we are all figuring this out.
It has opened the door to new conversations, authentic conversations. As a Youth
Pastor, I have often talked with parents who wished they could slow down or
have another chance to reconnect with their kids. Now’s our opportunity to grow
with our kids by trying new approaches for new relational connections. God has
wired us for connection! I am in for trying new things and building deeper
relationships. I hope you are, too.
Practically
Speaking | How might we Build Deeper Relationships?
- Have
a game night or movie night each week
- Set
aside time each night/day to have undistracted conversations (electronics
off) with those you care about
- Do
a daily devotional with your family
- When
asking a question follow up with what is that like or tell me more or how
has that been for you? OR perhaps another open-ended question
- Ask
questions before jumping to conclusions
- Communicating
rather than cloaking feelings